Former Lakers star Lamar Odom opens up on cocaine addiction in revealing essay

Former NBA player Lamar Odom opened up about his cocaine addiction that left him in a coma and on life support two years ago in a Players’ Tribune essay, titled, “Done in the Dark” — a nod to his late grandmother who used to say, “what’s done in the dark, will come out in the light.”

“I was laying there in that bed, hooked up to all these machines, people all around me crying, and there was no running from it anymore,” Odom said, calling cocaine “one hell of  a drug” and the addictive cycle a “roller-coaster.”

“It was the first time in my life that I felt helpless. I felt like I was two inches tall. It was just…it was real. …At that point in my life, I was doing coke every day. Pretty much every second of free time that I had, I was doing coke. I couldn’t control it.

“I’m sober now. But it’s an everyday struggle. I have an addiction. I’ll always have an addiction. It never goes away. I mean, I want to get high right now. But I know that I can’t if I want to be here for my children.”

Latest NBA news:

Chauncey Billups knew Kyrie Irving wasn't happy while interviewing with Cleveland Cavs

New Cavs GM Koby Altman: 'Not going to address' Kyrie Irving situation

Once bankrupt, ex-Celtics star Antoine Walker now teaching dangers of NBA wealth

Odom, who won NBA titles with Kobe Bryant and the Lakers in 2009 and 2010, voluntarily checked into rehab when his children told him they’d never speak to him again if he didn’t seek help.

“My kids are the only things that kept me going,” Odom said. “I’ve been a big strong dude my whole life, so anytime my kids see me in a weak point like that is definitely hard for me.”

Odom described another weak point in the essay, with his ex-wife, Khloé Kardashian.

“One of the darkest places I’ve ever been was when I was in a motel room, getting high with this chick, and my wife (Kardashian) walked in. That probably was like rock bottom,” he said. “My d*** and my habit took me down all the roads that you don’t ever wanna go.

A lot of great men are fools to that. There are probably a lot of young dudes out there who hear my story and think that it could never happen to them. That they’re untouchable. Man … Nobody is untouchable. Nobody in this life is immune to pain.”

More NBA: 

Draymond Green sued by ex-MSU football player, girlfriend over 2016 incident

LeBron James denies multiple Kyrie Irving reports

“That’s the thing people don’t understand,” Odom continued. “Anybody who’s lived a complicated, drug-infused life like I’ve lived knows the cycle — with women, cheating on my wife, (expletive) like that. …You think I wasn’t feeling shame? You think I was blind to what I was doing? Nah, I wasn’t blind to it. Shame … pain. It’s part of the whole cycle. My brain was broken.”

Odom said that the 2003 loss of his grandmother, mixed with the 2006 loss of his six-month-old son, Jayden, led to the downward spiral that exacerbated his addiction.

“I think everything probably picked up at that point, with the drugs. Even subconsciously,” he said.

Odom also opened up about the loss of his mother at the age of 12, and how basketball became his “escape” from the pain of the loss. He ended by explaining how his teammates showing up for him after his coma and in rehab helped him find his true self.

“I shook hands with death,” Odom said. “But you know what? Ain’t no coming back from that. …But it ain’t time for that yet.”